A Guy Goes Into A Bar #1
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A Los Angeles Dodger races into a bar. The bartender throws him out. (substitute your "favorite" team/player) (thanks to Don Duck)
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Bartender says "Those horse-face jokes are mean and insensitive. What'll you have?" (thanks to Senor Winces)
An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve infectious diseases here." And the infectious disease says, "Well you're not a very good host." (thanks to Skip Tucker)
Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here." And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph." (thanks to Skip Tucker)
John Mellencamp walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The man says, "I'll have a 'Jack and Diane'" (thanks to George Voiland)
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A guy walks into a bar with a piano entertainer, sits down and orders a beer. The piano player's monkey soon jumps on the bar and urinates in the guy's beer. The guy yells to the piano player, "Hey, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?" The piano player says, "No, but if you hum a few bars, I might remember it!" (thanks to Tom Alvord)
A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?" (thanks to George Voiland)
Louie Armstong walks into a bar in Tibet where the high priest is the bartender. Louis says, "Hello, Dahli!" (thanks to George Voiland)
A man from North Carolina goes into a bar in New England. He asks the bartender, "Did you go to Harvard?" The bartender says, "Yale." The North Carolinan says, "DID YOU GO TO HARVARD?"
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?" (thanks to Paolo Ruffini)
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, "What's that for?" The pirate responds, "Aarrr, its driving me nuts". (thanks to Colleen de Wit)
John Hurt walks into a bar, with that alien emerging from his chest. The bartender asks, "What's gotten into you?" (thanks to Patty Kennedy)
A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!" (thanks to Tony Horvath)
A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!" (thanks to Tony Horvath)
A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wanna hear a good joke?" The corn stalk says, "I'm all ears!" (thanks to Tony Horvath)
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. (thanks to Aimee Charbeneau)
A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want a long neck?" The giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?" (thanks to Keith Steeber)
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Do you want to play a game? See those two rib-eyes nailed to the ceiling? You get to throw one dart. If you hit one, you get to take them home and I'll give you a free drink." The man says, "No thanks, the steaks are too high." (thanks to Steve Mallett)
A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Can I have a bag of helicopter flavor chips?" The barkeep says, "Sorry, we only have plain." (thanks to Mark)
A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "What do you call that?", asks the bartender. "I call him Tiny, because he's my newt!" (thanks to Dwight Perkins)
A pregnant woman walks into a bar, and is soon approached by a guy who says, "Can I sit here with you? She says, "No, I'm expecting someone." (thanks to George Voiland)
