Children's Books You'll Never See 1

"How to Dissect a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." (thanks to Darlene Forsman)

"Pat the Bunny, then Use the Purell"

"These are Mommy's Happy Pills" (thanks to Sam McCutchen)

"You Were an Accident"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"We're Poor Because We Had You" (thanks to Darlene Forsman)

"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"

"Dad's New Wife Robert"

"Curious George Stays Put"

"Charlotte's Web of Lies & Deceit"

"Charlie and the Third World Nike Factory"

"Alice's Adventures in Caesar's Palace"

"Ali Baba and the 1,000 Arab Stereotypes"

"Babar, the Ivory Coat Rack"

"Kermit the Frog and the Hot Skillet of Foaming Butter"

"The Little Train Who Couldn't, But It's Okay Because It Happens to Every Train Once in A While"

"Puce in Boots"

"Little Red in Da Hood"

"Snow White and the Seven Intoxicated Mexicans"

"Hansel and Gretel and Hansel's Special Friend Sven"

"Harriet the Stalker"

"Larry the Leper Needs a Hand"

"Ninety-Nine Horny Blue Men in Tight White Pants: Smurfette's Confessions"

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Soup"

"The Preschool of Dr. Moreau"

"Nancy Drew and the Mysterious Case of Recurring Crabs"

"Journey to the Centre of Birmingham"

"Richard Scarry's Busiest Taxidermist Ever"