Children's Books You'll Never See 2"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"All Daddy Wants for Christmas is For You to Shut the Hell Up" (thanks to Sam McCutchen)
"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"
"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
"Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Your Nightmares Are Real"
"Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School"
"Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"Some Kittens Can Fly!"
"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"
"Playing with Fire Can be Fun!" (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer - Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say 'God Did It'"
"You're Why Mommy's Fat" (thanks to Sam McCutchen)
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"