Cute Jokes 6

Smoking is a dying art.

I just bought a new toilet brush. I still prefer paper, though.

You never know what real happiness is until you get married, and then it is too late.

Death is hereditary.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?

Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!"

I don’t believe in spanking my kids. I find that waving the gun around accomplishes the same thing.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

Can you play sole music with a shoe horn? (thanks to Charley)

Jesus saves. Moses invests.

Can a match box? No, but a tin can. (thanks to Jordan)

Customer: Waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Waiter: That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor. (thanks to Larry the K)

Math illiteracy affects 7 out of every 5 people.

I wasn't the class clown in school. I was the class trapeze artist.

I bought a wastebasket the other day and carried it home in a paper bag. When I got home, I put the paper bag in the wastebasket.

Money flies when you're having fun. (thanks to Victor)

Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm).

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? (thanks to Shane)

My wife said to bring the magic back in our relationship. So I disappeared! (thanks to Charley)

Men are like roses - watch out for the pricks!

I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but in alphabetical order as it should be. (thanks to Jake)

Can you find buck teeth at the dollar store? (thanks to Charley)

I know a guy who has a new book coming out. It’s one of those self-help books. It’s called "How To Get Along With Everybody." I read it and it works! He wrote it with some other stupid jerk.

I had such a terrible childhood, I always wanted to stick my head in an Easy-Bake oven.

The optometrist who got caught in the lens grinder made a spectacle of himself. (thanks to Shane)

It's always darkest before dawn. If you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



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