Cute Jokes 7

That guy is so vain - he won’t wear her glasses, but needs them to drive, so he got a prescription windshield.

Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

In football, why does the running back run forward? (thanks to Shane)

You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; if you are two days late with a video, those people are all over you. We should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration and Homeland Security.

A woman longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so she got a dog. It was cheaper, and she got more feet.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "take two aspirin" and "keep away from children."

God created man. Then God said, "I can do better". Then he created woman. (thanks to Amanda)

The constipated composer couldn't finish his last movement. (thanks to Shane)

I know a guy who can't hold his liquor during the winter months. It's probably the mittens.

My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God, and I didn't.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

What's the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence. (thanks to Shane)

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool. (thanks to Atom)

Obey gravity! It's the law.

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers? (thanks to Shane)

I had a conversation with a guy who could talk your arm off, but he was trying to pull my leg. (thanks to Hop)

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

In football, why does the running back run forward? (thanks to Shane)

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? (thanks to Shane)

An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

If you were under house arrest, but lived in a mobile home - you could still go wherever you wanted. (thanks to Shane)

They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it much more personal and sincere.

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

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