Cute Jokes 12

Can a match box? No, but a tin can. (thanks to Jordan)

Customer: Waiter! There is a fly in my soup. Waiter: That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor. (thanks to Larry the K)

Math illiteracy affects 7 out of every 5 people.

I wasn't the class clown in school. I was the class trapeze artist.

I bought a wastebasket the other day and carried it home in a paper bag. When I got home, I put the paper bag in the wastebasket.

Money flies when you're having fun. (thanks to Victor)

Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm).

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches? (thanks to Shane)

My wife said to bring the magic back in our relationship. So I disappeared! (thanks to Charley)

Men are like roses - watch out for the pricks!

In football, why does the running back run forward? (thanks to Shane)

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? (thanks to Shane)

An old person is like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but in alphabetical order as it should be. (thanks to Jake)

Can you find buck teeth at the dollar store? (thanks to Charley)

I know a guy who has a new book coming out. It’s one of those self-help books. It’s called "How To Get Along With Everybody." I read it and it works! He wrote it with some other stupid jerk.

I had such a terrible childhood, I always wanted to stick my head in an Easy-Bake oven.

The optometrist who got caught in the lens grinder made a spectacle of himself. (thanks to Shane)

It's always darkest before dawn. If you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

That guy is so vain - he won’t wear her glasses, but needs them to drive, so he got a prescription windshield.

Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, "Do you smell fish?"

In football, why does the running back run forward? (thanks to Shane)

You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally, but they hung around on expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster; if you are two days late with a video, those people are all over you. We should put Blockbuster in charge of Immigration and Homeland Security.

A woman longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so she got a dog. It was cheaper, and she got more feet.

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "take two aspirin" and "keep away from children."

God created man. Then God said, "I can do better". Then he created woman. (thanks to Amanda)

The constipated composer couldn't finish his last movement. (thanks to Shane)

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