Cute Jokes 15

Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He's trying to figure out the combination!

I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

Death is hereditary.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

What would you say if Jesus sneezed in front of you?

Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!"

I don’t believe in spanking my kids. I find that waving the gun around accomplishes the same thing.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

How long do we have too "practice religion" before we get it right? (thanks to Carmelo Chiodo)

Why were the baseball players hot? Because all of the fans left! (thanks to Echo Mills)

The point of life may very well be figuring out the point of life. (thanks to Nathan Croy)

The doctor tells his patient, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we're going to name a disease after you." (thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. (thanks to Kathy Werner)

Dyslexics for cure found! (thanks to Scott Thomas)

Guns don't kill people, radical pro-life activists kill people. (thanks to Dust Bunny)

There was a knock on the door, and I answered it, but all that was there was a snail. I picked it up and threw it into the street. Two weeks later, another knock on the door. I opened the door and it was the snail again. The snail says, "What was that all about?"

A lawyer meets the devil. The devil says, "I will give you countless riches now if you give me your eternal soul and the souls of all your family." The lawyer says, "What's the catch?"

Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the sink.

There are no Wal-Marts in Afghanistan. They're all Targets.

A woman says to a man, "Make me feel like a real woman." The man says, "Here, iron this."

The first restaurant on the moon isn't doing very well. It's got great food, but no atmosphere.

If a woman gets married, she gets a new name and a dress.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

I am a kleptomaniac, but when it gets really bad I take something for it.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? (thanks to Sean Mitchell)

Let`s say you are a American and you are in this room. When you go into the bathroom, European! (thanks to Issy Luciw)

Surprise morning lovin' is the best. Unless you're in prison. (thanks to Terry Burcham)