Daffynitions 2Dachshund: A dog that is half a dog high and a dog and a half long.
Debate: What lures de fishes. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)
Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Depart: De white line down de middle of de hair. (thanks to Catherine Debo)
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way. (thanks to Bob Z)
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Elbonics: The art of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a theatre. (thanks to Victor)
Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
Extravaganza: The spare vaganza you keep on hand in case you run out of vaganzas. (thanks to Catherine Debo)
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fine: A tax for doing wrong.
Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Flatulence: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Flusterpated: Being so flustered that words get bound up inside you.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when one dies, the soul flies up to the roof and gets stuck there.
Gargoyle: Olive flavor mouthwash.
Generica: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Gossip: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words. (thanks to Zachary Robinson)
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Instigator: What you add water to when you want an alligator. (thanks to PTA)
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Lasterday: Any day before today.
Left Bank: What the robber did after his bag was full of loot.
Lymph: Walk with a lisp.
Lysdexia: A peech imspediment we live to learn with. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)