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This recipe makes REALLY GOOD FRIED RICE.
I have interjected humor here and there to make it a "funny" experience. But I can't stress enough that it's GOOD stuff. Let me know if you like it! (for funny stuff click something on the sides)
A wonderful recipe (if I do say so myself). Good luck!
1.5 cups rice (I use BASMATI or JASMINE rice, but you can use anything but Minute Rice)
2 cups H2O (that's water to you and me)
4 eggs (2 eggs only whites, 2 eggs with the yolks - chicken eggs, please)
meat (optional - pork, chicken, or roadkill is fine - I prefer chicken, but raccoon is good too)
green onion / white onion / celery / bell pepper / broccoli / frozen peas / any crisp vegetable, diced to the size of....well, dice
1 ounce dark sesame oil (Trader Joe's has this $1.99 a bottle - pick up some $2 Chuck while you're there)
2 ounces canola oil (any kind except Pennzoil works fine - I just like Canola oil for its heart-healthy tendencies)
salt (Seasoned Salt is fine)
Early in the day (or the day before): Cook rice. I use 1.5 cups of rice to 2 cups water in a rice cooker. LET THE RICE COOL to room temperature, or put it in the refrigerator if you cook the rice the day before. I think this step is important because it allows me to relax and watch the Simpsons on TV before I resume cooking. If asked, "Why aren't you cooking dinner?", you can always answer "I'm doing what the recipe says to do!".
When the rice is cool, here's what you do:
Mix the eggs (2 full eggs, 2 egg whites) and an ounce of the canola oil and the ounce of dark sesame oil, scramble them up like a crazy person. The key ingredient in this whole thing is the dark sesame oil, so don't forget that.
Pour the other ounce of canola oil in the bottom of a wok. Get that sucker hot! I suggest cooking this while you have clothes on. If you cook this naked, you run the risk of serious injury as the hot oil in the wok will spit at you when you do the next step.
Is the oil hot? Add the egg mixture to the wok. Now do you see why you should wear clothes while cooking this? Scramble this up, don't let it form a big flapjack in the pan. Get this looking like oily scrambled eggs. Because, amazingly enough, that's what it is, so far.
Add the meat (make sure it's already cooked - that's why I suggest leftovers - or if not, cook it in the wok before you add the eggs). The meat should be diced as well, about the size of the hole in a CD. You don't have to make it spherical or cylindrical, that was just an example. Making dodecahedrons is OK too.
Scramble the meat, eggs and oil up good! When the eggs get burned beyond recognition, throw the whole thing away and start again.
This time, before the eggs get burned (but after they're starting to brown), add the rice a little at a time, making sure to break up the clumps as you go. When you've added all the rice, add the vegetables - you add them last so they will remain crisp. You want crisp, no? Frozen peas are wonderful in this stuff. Even if you don't like peas, you owe it to yourself to try it. If you try the frozen peas and don't like them in the fried rice, don't whine at me, though. I like 'em, and I'm the one with this recipe on-line, not you.
Mix and evenly heat all that stuff in the wok. Keep the heat on medium, and constantly stir. If you don't, you'll form a thermal rice barrier on the bottom of the wok which will prevent their little rice buddies up top from cooking. Add some salt, add some more salt (I like Lawry's Seasoned Salt) and taste it as you go. Add some more salt. Taste it again. Repeat. Add pepper if you wish, but I find the dark sesame oil gets it spicy enough.
Spoon out into a bowl (eat right out of the wok if you're born in the South), otherwise, spoon onto a nice Wedgwood dinner plate, pour yourself some $2 Chuck wine (Chardonnay goes best with this) and enjoy in front of the television 'cause the 7 pm Simpsons has just started.
For another great recipe, try my QUESADILLAS or FAMOUS STIR FRY! More goodness.
- Howard Daughters, king@funny2.com
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