- Funny2 T-Shirts HERE
- NEW! Funny2 Blog
- Jokes Of All Types
- Men & Women
- Women & Men
- Humor About Animals
- True Facts
- Fun At The Office
- Quotes from Famous People
- Food And Drink
- Kids & Old Folks
- Occupational Humor
- Real Signs
- The Purple Donut
- World's Shortest Books
- Funny Or Not?
- Redneck Jedi Knight
- Etch-A-Sketch Instructions
- Tweets on Steve Jobs
- New Year's Resolutions
- Gifts You'll Never See
- It's Great To Be Alive
- Never Be A Hallmark Card
- Hollywood Squares Humor
- Other Great Websites
- The Snow Shoveler
- The Bellringer
- Random Funny2 Page
Insanity Helpers #1
Many things to get you through the day.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for marijuana". (thanks to Bob Morse)
Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Sing along at the opera.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go." (thanks to Bob Morse)
Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, and ask where the fitting room is.
Next time you're at a restaurant, order a diet water. (thanks to Alex Garofalo)
When someone asks you to do something, ask if they want that super-sized.
Run one lap around the office at top speed.
Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
Ignore the first five people who say "good morning" to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on and off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
While a co-worker is out, move their chair into the elevator.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, PLEASE! All of you just shut up!".
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
In a co-worker's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and donut, smash each donut with your fist.