Use these at your own peril.
She's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. (thanks to Larry the K)
She's a few sandwiches short of a picnic. (thanks to Larry the K)
He's as sharp as a bowling ball. (thanks to Larry the K)
He's all hat, and no cattle. (thanks to Glenn Fenrick)
He's a recovering alcoholic: recovering from last night! (thanks to Kellie McGuire)
You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication! (thanks to Victor)
She's so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. (thanks to Steve Melanovich)
She's so wrinkled, her mother was a Shar Pei.
He went to the doctor complaining about all the beauty marks, but he needs all the help he can get. (thanks to Larry the K)
Does your face hurt, because it's killing me!
He's a couple of terrorists short of a Jihad. (thanks to Mike McGuire)
He's so dumb, he sits on the TV and watches the sofa.
You're so ugly, when you go into the bank they turn off the surveillance cameras.
Her driveway doesn't go all the way to the road. (thanks to Dewey Baker)
Thinks he's a real wit. He's half right.
In a battle of wits she's unarmed.
The oven's on, but nothing's cooking.
He's a little too tall for his blood supply.
When I think of all the people I respect the most, you're right there, serving them drinks.
I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
He's a few clowns short of a circus.
She's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
She's a few Cokes short of a six-pack.
He's a few peas short of a casserole.
The wheel's spinning, but his hamster's dead.
She's one taco short of a combination plate.
She's a few feathers short of a whole duck.
He's all foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off his cracker.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
She's as smart as bait.
He doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
He forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
He's a prime candidate for natural deselection.
In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.