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US Military Rules
As seen by a marine, of course.
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEALs Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Powerpoint presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make that 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to sea.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Deploy Marines.
Contributed by Bob Morse
An Airman, a Seaman, a Marine, and an Army Ranger are being interviewed by a CNN reporter. The reporter asks, "Excuse me, what are your opinions regarding the weapon and food shortage in the desert outposts?" The Airman replies, "What's a weapon?" The Seaman replies, "What's a desert?" The Ranger replies, "What's food?" The Marine replies, "What's excuse me?" (thanks to Devin Grubb)
Why do the branches of the military have a hard time working together? It's largely due to the fact that there is no standardization of the terminology. Take the phrase "Secure a building" for example. To the Army this means that you set a perimeter and make sure nothing goes in or out. To the Marines, this means going in room by room, neutralizing all threats, setting a perimeter and god helps anything that comes near the place. To the Navy it's turning off the lights and locking the door. To the Air Force? They'll get a three year lease with an option to buy. (thanks to Mongo Skruddgemire)