Men vs. Women: How to Change Oil 1

WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee while they change the oil.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Cost: $29.99 oil change, $2.00 coffee. Total $32.00

MEN:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to the auto parts store. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner (don't forget a little tree air freshener). Write a check to the auto parts store for approximately $50.

2. Stop by 7/11 on the way home, buy a case of beer. Write a check for $20.00.

3. Drive home with oil and beer.

4. Open beer, enjoy it.

5. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.

6. Find the jack stands (finally) under the kid's pedal car, jack the car up.

7. Open another beer, drink it.

8. Place drain pan under engine.

9. Look for 9/16" box end wrench for drain plug

10. Give up looking ten minutes later, find crescent wrench.

11. Unscrew drain plug.

12. Drop drain plug into pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil onto your hands and face in the process. Cuss and swear.

13. Crawl out from under car, wipe hot oil from hands and face. Throw some kitty litter on the spilled oil.

14. Open another beer while watching the last drops of oil drain.

15. Spend 30 minutes looking for the oil filter wrench.

16. Give up looking for oil filter wrench, crawl under car and hammer a flat-head screwdriver through the oil filter and twist it off.

17. Crawl out from under car, splashing hot oil everywhere from newly made holes in oil filter.

18. Cleverly hide used oil filter in trash to avoid those pesky environmental penalties. Open another beer.

19. Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket.

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