Puns 1That girl said she met me at a Vegetarian restaurant, but I never met herbivore.
Two Eskimos, out to fish in their canoe got cold and decided to build a small fire in the bottom of their canoe to keep warm. Of course the boat caught fire and sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. (thanks to Lynn Lisk)
I thought about starting a conversation about nuts, but then I thought, "Screw it". (thanks to Gregory Seel)
An appeals court has upheld a ban on pitbulls. That's another victory in the war on terrier.
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all league records were unfortunately lost, so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
An Indian chief had three wives. The first wife slept on cowhide, the second wife a deerhide and the third on hippopotamus hide. The first gave birth to a baby boy, the second to a baby girl and the third had twins - a boy and a girl. Looking at what happened, the old chief declared, "The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!"
The man who survived both pepper spray and mustard gas is now well seasoned. (thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)
The sign at the rehab center said "Keep Off The Grass". (thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)
Conjunctivitis.com is a site for sore eyes.
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized - he was killing me softly with his sarong. (thanks to Karl Scott)
The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. (thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)
A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group of matronly nuns hastily applying hair color to the noggin of the show's next guest, Neil Young, whose agent offered an explanation from the corner of the room: "Only the good dye Young." (thanks to Joe Wyatt)