Puns 3A plane full of Japanese car parts has exploded in midair today. A local weatherman said it was raining Datsun cogs. (thanks to Jonco)
Police arrested a man who robbed a bank while Tweeting about it. He's hoping for a short sentence.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. (thanks to George Daughters)
There once was a girl named Carmen Cohen. Her mother called her Carmen and her father called her Cohen. It got so that she didn't know whether she was Carmen or Cohen. (thanks to Philip Leibfried)
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. (thanks to George Daughters)
A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
A woman's three sons all leave home to seek their fortunes. Many years later they write to their old mom telling her that they have a successful cattle ranch and want her to come live with them. When she arrives, they proudly show her the ranch and ask her to name it for them, as they owe all their success to her. She thinks about it and tells them to call it Prism Ranch. Curious, they ask her why. "Because," she replies, "that's where the sons raise meat." (thanks to Dio Katz)
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. (thanks to George Daughters)
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. (thanks to George Daughters)
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In Feudalism, it's your count that votes. (thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. (thanks to George Daughters)
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.