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Calling in Sick?

Actual excuses given by employees

Employee's cervix was hurting (from a male employee).

Employee said that a hit man was looking for him.

The Chargers lost on Sunday, so I needed Monday to recover.

Employee's sobriety device wouldn't allow his car to start.

I got sick from my puppy.

Employee had headache after going to too many garage sales.

My false teeth flew out the window as I was driving.

A deer bit me (during hunting season).

Employee forgot he was hired for the job.

Employee was in line at a coffee shop when a delivery truck backed up and dumped flour into her convertible.

Employee claimed her bus was delayed; she produced a note signed by the driver.

Employee said his hair was hurting his head.

I quit smoking and I'm grouchy.

Employee thought she had won the lottery, but it turns out she didn't.

Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.

I'm too fat to get into my work pants.

Employee claimed her dog was having a nervous breakdown.

A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.

I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.

Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.

I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work.

Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.

I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding and I have to go to the doctor.

One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.

Employee's dead grandmother was being exhumed for a police investigation.

Employee's mother was in jail.

My wheelchair broke down.

God didn't wake me.

A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.

Employee had a bad case of hiccups.

Employee's toe got caught in a faucet.

It's way too cold outside to leave the house.

It's way too nice outside to be in the office.

I had tickets for Sunday's race but it was rained out, so they're running it today.

Employee blew his nose so hard that his back went out.

Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.

Employee was hit by a bus while walking.

Employee said a bird bit her.

Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.

My house lock jammed, and I'm locked in.

Employee was sad.

My cow bit me.

Employee was spit on by a venomous snake.

Employee was upset after watching "The Hunger Games".

Employee had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.

Employee had to ship his grandmother's bones to India.

I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.

Employee's bus broke down and was held up by robbers.I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.

I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

I couldn't find my shoes.

I got sick from reading too much.

I hurt myself bowling.

I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.

My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom.

A hit man was looking for me.

The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.

My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.

I eloped.

I got lost driving and ended up in another state.

My hair is still orange from Halloween.

I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.

My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.

I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell in the hole and hurt myself.

I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back.

My cat unplugged my alarm clock.

I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.

I forgot what day of the week it was.

I forgot I was getting married today.

Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.

I received a threatening phone call from the power company, so I needed to report it to the FBI.

A tree fell on my car.

My monkey died.

My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out.