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Actual Signs

Yes, these are real.

At a barber shop: "Come in with one eyebrow, leave with two!" (thanks to Art at Mira Mesa Barber Shop)

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On an electrician's van: "We'll remove your shorts!" (thanks to Criss P. Baken)

In a veterinarian's office: "Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On the door to a proctologist's office: "To expedite your visit, please back in."

At a tailor shop: We give our customers the lowest prices and workmanship

At a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Please do not hunt during daylight" (thanks to Arm)

On a septic tank business: "We're #1 in the #2 business" (thanks to Scott)

At a photo studio: "Have your kids shot while you wait!" (thanks to John)

In a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (thanks to John)

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

At a teriyaki restaurant: "$3.99 Chicken Bowel!"

In a Vermont men's store: "25 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

In a Mall: "Ears pierced, while you wait"

In a New Jersey store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

Seen on a Taco Bell sign in Coralville, Iowa: "Everyday low value"

In a Maine restaurant: "At your service: Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a Westminster church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In an Ohio cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

In Vancouver, British Columbia, on a folding sign in front of a small language school: "English Tootering"

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

In a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

On a fixit-shop: We can fix anything! (Please knock loudly, doorbell broken) (thanks to A. Nonny Mus)