Longer Jokes and Stories 1

A Mormon Bishop calls two primary age boys to his office. The Bishop asked them: "Boys, please tell me where God is." The boys looked at each other but didn't answer the question.

The Bishop asked a second time, "Boys, Please tell me where God is." The boys still did not answer the question, so the Bishop became stern and demanded, "Boys, please tell me where God is!"

The boys were scared, and they ran out of the Bishop's office and past the primary teacher. The teacher said, "Boys, what's the matter?" The boys replied, "God's missing and the Bishop is blaming us!"
(thanks to Douglas Cotant)

A carpet installer finished up a big job and decided to go outside for a smoke. He searched his pockets and not finding his usual pack of cigarettes began to look around. A lump under the carpet caught his attention.

Not wanting to remove and reinstall such a large carpet, he took a mallet and carefully pounded down the lump, smoothing it out with his hands until it was perfectly flat. Satisfied that the job was well done, he gathered up his tools only to find his cigarettes in the lid of his tool box.

He was examining them when the woman of house walks in and said, "The carpets look great. By the way, have you seen my canary?"
(thanks to Dutch)

A man died, went to the pearly gates and was greeted by St. Peter. For the man's initiation, St. Peter took him on a tour of heaven, so he could see where his new home would be.

They walked down the hall, and passed an open door - there was a sign on the door that read: Welcome! Please come and worship with us! The man asked St. Peter who was in the room, and St. Peter said, "Those are Episcopalian Christians, they welcome you to worship with them."

St. Peter and his guest walked down the hall and saw another open door, this time with a sign that read: Please come in, welcome, worship with us! The guest wanted to know who was in that room. St. Peter said, "That's a group of Methodist Christians and they want you to worship with them."

They walked a bit further down the hall until they saw another door, but this one was closed. The sign said: Quiet! Meeting in progress! St. Peter's guest asked who was in there. St. Peter thought a moment and said, "Those are the Mormons - they want us to be quiet because they think they are the only ones up here."
(thanks to Douglas Cotant)



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