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Longer Jokes & Stories
Funny and/or Interesting stories for you to tell
A Mormon Bishop calls two primary age boys to his office. The Bishop asked them: "Boys, please tell me where God is." The boys looked at each other but didn't answer the question.
The Bishop asked a second time, "Boys, Please tell me where God is." The boys still did not answer the question, so the Bishop became stern and demanded, "Boys, please tell me where God is!"
The boys were scared, and they ran out of the Bishop's office and past the primary teacher. The teacher said, "Boys, what's the matter?" The boys replied, "God's missing and the Bishop is blaming us!"
(thanks to Douglas Cotant)
A carpet installer finished up a big job and decided to go outside for a smoke. He searched his pockets and not finding his usual pack of cigarettes began to look around. A lump under the carpet caught his attention.
Not wanting to remove and reinstall such a large carpet, he took a mallet and carefully pounded down the lump, smoothing it out with his hands until it was perfectly flat. Satisfied that the job was well done, he gathered up his tools only to find his cigarettes in the lid of his tool box.
He was examining them when the woman of house walks in and said, "The carpets look great. By the way, have you seen my canary?"
(thanks to Dutch)
A man died, went to the pearly gates and was greeted by St. Peter. For the man's initiation, St. Peter took him on a tour of heaven, so he could see where his new home would be.
They walked down the hall, and passed an open door - there was a sign on the door that read: Welcome! Please come and worship with us! The man asked St. Peter who was in the room, and St. Peter said, "Those are Episcopalian Christians, they welcome you to worship with them."
St. Peter and his guest walked down the hall and saw another open door, this time with a sign that read: Please come in, welcome, worship with us! The guest wanted to know who was in that room. St. Peter said, "That's a group of Methodist Christians and they want you to worship with them."
They walked a bit further down the hall until they saw another door, but this one was closed. The sign said: Quiet! Meeting in progress! St. Peter's guest asked who was in there. St. Peter thought a moment and said, "Those are the Mormons - they want us to be quiet because they think they are the only ones up here."
(thanks to Douglas Cotant)
A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had a very important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday and quit drinking!"
Just then, a parking place appeared - the closest one imaginable.
The man looked up again and said, "Never mind, I just found one."
(thanks to Tim Garcia)
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he wanted a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and found a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something much more special."
The jeweler went to his special stock in the safe and brought another ring back. "This one's $40,000." The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man said, "I'll take it!"
The jeweler asked how payment would be made, and the old man said, "By check, but I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday to verify funds. I'll pick up the ring on Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, the jeweler called the old man saying, "There's no money in that account!"
The old man said, "I know, but let me tell you about my weekend!"
(thanks to Bob Fluty and Sue Cote)