Longer Jokes and Stories 4

A white man, a Mexican man, and a black man were all very bad. The all died and went to hell for the sins they had committed. The devil told them, "if you can trick me, I'll set you free to have another chance in the world."

The white man hid behind a huge puff of smoke. He said, "Devil, find me!" The devil quickly found him and sent the man to hell.

The black man laid under a wall of fire and said, "Devil find me!" The devil found him and did the same.

The Mexican asked for a bucket. He poked a bunch of holes in it and sat down. Then, he farted. He said, "Devil, which hole did it come out of?"

The devil pointed to one of the holes on the bucket. The Mexican guy stood up and pointed to his butt, and said, "No, this one."
(thanks to Staci Nicole Clark)

The other day I was in charge of finding a caterer for this big banquet at my church. Through a lucky series of events, I was able to book Bobby Flay’s brother for the night! I thought it would be great, but the food was terrible and people were complaining about food poisoning.

Moral of the story: Don’t judge a cook by his brother.
(thanks to Jordan Hochmuth)

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a 20 dollar bill fell out onto the path.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are 20 dollar bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no," said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, I would make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time a guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me 20, or off it comes.'"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."



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