Words to Live By at Work #1
These will help you get through any bad day.
If you can stay calm while everything around you is chaos, then you probably don't understand the seriousness of the situation.
Plagiarism saves a lot of time.
If your request was truly urgent I would have done it already. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
Always stay 100% behind your boss. Then it's easier to stab him in the back. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
Please file everything under B, for bulls*@t. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong several times gives you job security.
To err is human, to blame someone else shows real management potential. (thanks to Gregory Sawler)
What if they held a meeting - and nobody came? Would nothing still get done? (thanks to Kevin McKinley)
This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
Always give 100% at work. 10% Mondays, 20% Tuesdays, 40% Wednesdays, 25% Thursdays, 5% Fridays. (thanks to Kyle Sullivan)
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Teamwork means never having to take the blame yourself.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he / she is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.