A Man Walks Into A Bar 4A drunk walks into a bar pulling a huge anchor chain. The bartender says, "What are you doing, dragging that huge chain into my bar?" The drunk says, "Did you ever try pushing one?" (thanks to Steve McGee)
A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Are you sure you don't need a refill?" (thanks to Riberet Almeida)
A baseball walks into a bar, and the bartender throws him out. (thanks to Dan Birr)
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. He claims the dog can talk. "Give me a beer and I'll show you." The bartender slides a beer to him and the man asks the dog, "Fido, what is that above our heads?" The dog says, "Roof!" The irritated bartender says, "That's not talking, he sounds like any other dog." The man says, "OK, how about this - Fido, who was the best baseball player of all time?" The dog says, "Ruth!" The bartender throws the man and the dog out of the bar. Fido says to the man, "Ya think I shouldda said DiMaggio?" (thanks to Quinton Parker)
A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
A urologist walks into a bar and sits down. "What'll ya have?" the bartender asks. "That Depends. I'm kinda of pissed off today." "Well," says the bartender, "why don't you go with the flow and order a light beer. That way you can recycle your own refills." The urologist answers, "Oh, not to worry, I can afford to buy everyone here a drink." "Oh," says the bar keep, "then urine in the money?" (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)
A dead battery walks into a bar and orders a drink. "Are you positive you want one?" the bartender asks. The dead battery answers, "Yep! and charge it too!" (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)
A monk, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey! Is this some kind of joke?" (thanks to Don Kemler)
An older gentleman walks into a bar with an attractive, 21 year old girlfriend on his arm. As he orders their drinks, bar patrons in yell "Pedophile! Pedophile!" in jealous anger. The bartender says, "Don't mind them, they're just envious." The gentleman says, "Okay, but they are completely ruining our 10th anniversary!" (thanks to Anthony L. Lorenz)
A man walks into an English pub and orders a pint of Adenosine Triphosphate. The barman says "that will be 80p."
Infinity mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders one beer. The second orders half of a beer. The third orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two beers and says, “Here, you guys work it out.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve superconductors here." The superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
A Higgs-Boson walks into a church. The priest says "Higgs-Bosons aren't allowed in here." The Higgs-Boson says, "But without me, how can you have mass?"