Daffynitions 3Matricide: Killing yourself on a bed.
Mistress: Somewhere between a mister and a mattress. (thanks to SuperSamuell)
Misty: Why a golfer creates a divot.
Monogamy: A bored game for adults. (thanks to Geoff Holmes)
Mosquito: An insect that makes you like flies better.
Moth: Green thtuff found on the north thide of treeth. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)
Mouse Potato: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Myth: A female moth. (thanks to Daniel C)
Naggravator: The person in the passenger seat who is having trouble reading the map. Also, anyone who is helping to drive but not actually behind the wheel. (thanks to Michele T)
Namesis: A person who shares your name but is much richer and more famous than you. (thanks to Adam)
Negligent: Absent-mindedly answering the door wearing only a nightgown.
Octopus: An eight-sided cat. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)
Onosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Out of Bounds: An exhausted kangaroo.
Oyster: A person who sprinkles his conversations with Yiddishisms.
Parachute: A double barreled shotgun.
Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pedestrian: A motorist with two or more children of driving age.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.
Perfect Pitch: When you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it didn't hit the sides.
Petranoid: Someone who is both petrified and paranoid. Usually a mother. (thanks to King Bewildered)
Pharmacist:: A helper on the farm.
Phonecrastinate: To put off answering the phone until caller ID identifies the caller.
Pokemon: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Polarize: What penguins see with.
Porcupine: A craving for bacon.
Posse: A Wild West cat. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)
Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn.
Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Relief: What trees do in the spring.
Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.