Daffynitions 4Safecracker: A cracker without caviar on it. (thanks to Catherine Debo)
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size six.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.
Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stalemate: An old spouse.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed: Bringing litigation against a government official.
Swipeout: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Syndrome: Committing wrongdoing in the Vatican. (thanks to Jeff Dudley)
Syntax: Money in the collection plate.
Testicle: A funny question on an examination.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.
Ukraine: A female sheep lifting device. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)
Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words.
Will: A dead giveaway. (thanks to Daniel C)
Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.