One Liners 12
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.
Jesus is coming, so look busy.
We have enough youth: how about a fountain of "smart"?
Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane.
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
Under my gruff exterior lies an even gruffer interior.
Death to all fanatics!
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.