Jonco Says 5

I've just been diagnosed with Sausagephobia. I fear the wurst.

Trust undertakers: They're the last people to let you down.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's still all fun and games, just without depth perception.

You know you're fat when you get on a rowing machine and it sinks.

I lost my wife to quicksand. Took a while to sink in.

There was a programmer in our workplace that got employee of the month and got promoted. He got arrays.

Can Napoleon return to his place of birth? Of Corsican.

It's a well known fact that Adolf Hitler loved dogs and other animals. He was, after all, a veteran Aryan.

My wife went through the roof when she stumbled upon my secret explosives collection in the attic.

People who have no index fingers are pointless.

My wife is thinking about getting a flu shot but I refused to give her advice. I just didn't want to influenza decision.

Took me 2 hours to grill a chicken yesterday but still couldn't get it to tell me why it crossed the road.

Every house needs a door, and that's where I come in.

I've just received a doctors appointment regarding my constipation. Unfortunately I can't go.

I really hate mass murderers. I wish I could just kill them all.

So we were seeing who's laptop could burn a disc the fastest. It was a discrace.

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

I've come up with an idea for a spray that clears the air of all smells. I went to the patent office and the guy said; "This is madness!" "No." I said. "This is Non-Scents."



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