Jonco Says 12

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

Big noses run in my family.

It's weird that the words 'finger puppets' sound okay as a noun.

I opened the mail this morning. Nothing exciting, it was mostly bills. He's gonna be so pissed off when he finds out.

What are the chances of me allowing my wife to choose which TV channel we watch tonight? Remote.

I deserted my wife last night. I gave her a big bowl of chocolate pudding.

Due to inflation, balloons are going up.

My ex girlfriend texted me to say that she'd made a voodoo doll of me. I think she's pulling my leg.

I don't know why the word "purposeless" is in the English language. My dictionary says it has no meaning.

My wife's got this weird fetish for sleeping with boxing gloves on. Her doctor thinks it's just the menopause setting in but I just think she's going through a rocky patch.

There was a kidnapping in my town today. She slept for 4 hours.

I'm having trouble accessing the Glade website. It keeps telling me to get some sort of plug-in.

I went to get my palm read the other day, but as I was sitting down at the table I managed to knock over her crystal ball. Ended up costing me a fortune.

I just bought some second hand binoculars fo $200. The guy must have seen me coming from a mile away.

I saw my friend floating about 4 feet off the ground yesterday. He didn't seem the slightest bit bothered. He obviously didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

I'm a pretty good Ventriloquist. Even though I say so myself.

I just saw a large area of ground with 10,000 car parking spaces on it. I thought: "That's a lot".

See-saws rock!

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