Thoughts 4

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

Never wrestle with a pig: you both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Thank you," though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent..

No books will be as good as the ones you loved as a child.

Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables: get someone else to hold them while you chop away.

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