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Laws of Physics for Cats
If physics even applies to them...
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All clothing attracts cat hair in direct proportion to the degree of color difference between the cat hair and the fabric color.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make its body long enough to reach just about any countertop which has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state if a cat is present.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Comfort Seeking
A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat as soon as possible.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Equidistant Separation
All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn’t Matter.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the furniture's cost.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Cat Invisibility
Cats think that if they can’t see you, then you can’t see them.
Law of Cat Probability (Cat’s Uncertainty Principle)
It isn't possible to predict where a cat actually is, only where it “might” be.
Law of Selective Listening
Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can’t hear a simple command three feet away.
Law of Concentration of Mass
A cat’s mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered.