Elvis Taught Me Everything 1


Taken as a whole, the songs of Elvis contain everything from handy tips about geography ("a river flows surely to the sea") to practical travel advice (the YMCA in Memphis has cheap accommodations), right through to religious instruction ("I'm lonely like Adam, you're evil like Eve"). Here are some things we've learned from listening to Elvis.


TRAVEL

The typical train is 16 carriages long.

All food in Germany consists of hasenpfeffer and black pumpernickel.

The Heartbreak Hotel is located at the end of Lonely Street and its desk clerk dresses in black.

Hula dancers are best judged by their ability to really move that grass around.

A harem in the Middle East contains 20 women.

So efficient is the US postal service that it will return an unwanted letter within 24 hours of its initial posting.

There are few sounds that make you feel more lonely than that of the midnight train.

If hitchhiking, it's hard to choose a better destination than Memphis, Tennessee.


RELATIONSHIPS

When inviting a young woman to dance, you may increase your chances by noting that chicken is being served in the barn. If rejected by the older sister in a family, by all means have a crack at her little sister, who may have matured more than you at first noticed.

Women named Marie are naturally duplicitous.

It's OK to date your cousin, providing she's a distant cousin "but not too distant with you".

Girls named Daisy tend to drive you crazy.

If caught without a partner during a dance at a federal penitentiary, why not try dancing with a wooden chair?

Conversation with a girlfriend can become tiresome if she fails to break up the conversation every now and then with a little action.

A .44-calibre pistol is an excellent firearm choice for a woman whose partner was doin' her wrong.


PERSONAL GROOMING

If wearing suede shoes, particularly of a light hue, one should make their protection a priority, even above that of preventing arson attacks on one's own home.

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