Light Bulb Jokes #1
How many does it take?
How many Vietnam Vets does it take to change a light bulb? Forget it, man, you just wouldn't understand.
How many carpenters does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold it, one to hammer it in.
How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb? Juan. (thanks to Dan Antopolski)
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? One hundred. One to do it and 99 to say "Hey, I could have done that!"
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it. (thanks to Jonathan Strickland)
How many dieters does it take to change a light bulb? If it's "light", what could be better? (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they only screw in hot tubs. (thanks to Sean C)
How many first trumpets does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three: one to screw it in, one to push the ladder out from under him, and one to say how he could have done both jobs so much better. (thanks to George)
How many NASCAR drivers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they can only go left. (thanks to Jenna)
How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb? Change? Why change?
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, let her do the dishes in the dark. (thanks to Remark8903)
How many George Bushes does it take to change a light bulb? Well, first of all, the light bulb did nothing wrong. Why do you hate freedom? (thanks to Jake M.)
How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? I just found a new recipe for Egg Salad! (thanks to Shane)
How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but they must all be in agreement that the lightbulb must be changed to increase efficiency. (thanks to Brett Jones)
How many Ska kids does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to drop it, and one to "Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!" (thanks to Connor)
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but you should have seen the size of that lightbulb! (thanks to Erica)
How many mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to scratch his butt, one to order the wrong part and one to tell you it won't be here until Tuesday. (thanks to Erica)
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb? Hey, buddy, if you keep buggin' me, I'm gonna rip you a new one! (thanks to Rockin' Bob)
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? Nobody knows. They won't release the information. (thanks to Darby Conley)
How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it might take all day.
How many whales does it take to change a light bulb? Since we're saving the whales, why not save the bulb too? (thanks to Darlene Forsman)
How many dadaists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish.
How many jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? Don't worry, I'll just sit here in the dark. (thanks to Harry)
How many mice does it take to change a light bulb? Two, but I don't know how they got in there. (thanks to Jesse)
How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb? 1.67
How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? None. If you're having trouble with the bulb, it could be the socket, which may cause you problems in the future. Therefore, we should remove the socket.
How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb? None, make her cook in the dark.
How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb? Five: while Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.
How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five, one to change it and four to make the documentary about it.
How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb? One two! One two!
