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Andy Rooney
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Chris Berman
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This dictionary will keep you out of trouble.
Actor: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth
Actress: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth (and occasionally great beauty)
Android: bipedal, non-human associate, bearing immense knowledge and skill
Bag boy: agricultural product organizer
Bald: follicularly challenged
Bomb: vertically deployed antipersonnel device
Boy: oppressor-to-be
Brainwashing: cognitive accommodation
Cafeteria: dining facility
Car: earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport
Car Wash Worker: vehicle-appearance specialist
Cat: quadruped non-human associate
Cheating: cooperative assignment
Computer: machine bearing immense power and fallibility
Criticism: unjust self-esteem reducer
Dead: metabolically challenged
Demand: propose strongly
Derision: nontraditional praise
Dirty Old Man: sexually focused, chronologically gifted individual
Dumb: cerebrally challenged
Evil: niceness deprived
Exercise: body enhancement through exertion
Failure: non-traditional success
Fart: human ozone depletor; ecologically incorrect expression
Fat: horizontally challenged: person of substance
Garbage collector: sanitation engineer
Gas Station Attendant: petroleum transfer technician
Girl: pre-woman
Guess: anomaly maneuvers: repetitive predictions
Handicapped: physically challenged
Heroine: hera
Homeless person: residentially flexible individual
Hurricane: himmicane (non sexist)
Ignorant: factually unencumbered
Incorrect: alternative answer
Individualism: uncooperative spirit
Information: overly structured trivia
Insane: reality challenged
Kill: creating a permanent state of metabolic dormancy; servicing the target (military)
Lazy: motivationally dispossessed
Lost: locationally disadvantaged
Man: oppressor
Manhole: maintenance portal
Misunderstand: personalized interpretation
Monster: person of scales
Mugging: unforeseen funding of underclass
Murderer: termination specialist
Nerd: under-attractive, cerebrally gifted individual
Numismatist: capitalist monetary acquisition expert
Nut: hexagonal rotatable surface compression unit
Off: energy efficient
Old: chronologically gifted
Perfume: discretionary fragrance
Pervert: person engaged in nontraditional espionage
Pissed off: satisfaction deprived
Political: amorally gifted
Poor: economically marginalized
Prisoner: client of the correctional system
Prostitute: body entrepreneur
Redneck: rustically inclined
Rich: economically maximized
Secretary: stationery engineer
Sex: cooperative physical fitness
Sexist: gender biased with niceness deprived overtones
Short: altitudinally disadvantaged: vertically challenged
Sleepy: under-alert
Smart: cerebrally gifted
Specialist: physician having concentrated on a particular field of tax shelters
Structure: impersonal hindrance
Tall: vertically gifted: altitudinally endowed
Teacher: volunteer knowledge conveyor
Teaching: personality repression
Television: medium of electrons moving in disorganized patterns
Tired: rest-challenged
Uglier: over under-attractive
Ugliest: over-under-attractively gifted
Ugly: under-attractive
Unemployed: non-waged
Unsure: conceptual conflict
Waiter: waitron
Waitress: waitron
White: melanin-impoverished; member of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority
Woman: w/o man; womyn
Zipper: interlocking slide fasteners
© 2009 compiled from many sources by Howard Daughters
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