Female Definitions

Argument - A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead - What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Barbecue - You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes - Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe - Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer - An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda - A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity - The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise - To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List - What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hairdresser - Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store - Similar to a black hole in space. If he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth - You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus...breathe...push..."

Lipstick - On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park - Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience - The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara - Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day - A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.



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