One Liners 6
I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I have a screwdriver in my hand. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Dyspraxics are people three. (thanks to Skip Tucker)
There's no future in time travel.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.