One Liners 6

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I have a screwdriver in my hand. This is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

Dyspraxics are people three. (thanks to Skip Tucker)

There's no future in time travel.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Corduroy pillows - they're making headlines!

Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.

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