Jonco Says 4

I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn't quite have the same effect online.

I had my house inspected by an expert interior decorator. She told me that the whole house was fine, apart from the room at the top of the house. I think it might be a little problem attic.

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on reverse psychology! The librarian says, "You don't want to read that".

Then I asked for a book on homeopathy and the librarian said there were a few pages here and there throughout the library.

You need to have eyes in the back of your head when you've got kids. In hindsight, I wish I'd never had any.

I'm seeing a therapist to help with my kleptomania, and I have taken something valuable away from every session.

My shrink is helping with my fear of money. He's raising his rates.

I bought a treadmill today. It's giving me a run for my money.

I think men who lose their penis should be remembered.

Did you hear about the bird that was born without a beak? He was born to succeed.

I was messing around with my buddy at the pottery factory yesterday and we got locked in the kiln. The boss fired us both.

A friend of mine is known for going round to peoples houses and stealing pictures of them. It's a poor trait.

I got kicked out of aerobics class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

I went into the changing room several times, but it was still the same.

I came up with a way of getting coal out of the ground. Hope no one else thinks of the same idea - it's mine.

I complained to the city council that the street I live on has no name. They said they'll address it at the next board meeting.

My three unwritten rules :



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