Jonco Says 4I say tomato you say tomato. Doesn't quite have the same effect online.
I had my house inspected by an expert interior decorator. She told me that the whole house was fine, apart from the room at the top of the house. I think it might be a little problem attic.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on reverse psychology! The librarian says, "You don't want to read that".
Then I asked for a book on homeopathy and the librarian said there were a few pages here and there throughout the library.
You need to have eyes in the back of your head when you've got kids. In hindsight, I wish I'd never had any.
I'm seeing a therapist to help with my kleptomania, and I have taken something valuable away from every session.
My shrink is helping with my fear of money. He's raising his rates.
I bought a treadmill today. It's giving me a run for my money.
I think men who lose their penis should be remembered.
Did you hear about the bird that was born without a beak? He was born to succeed.
I was messing around with my buddy at the pottery factory yesterday and we got locked in the kiln. The boss fired us both.
A friend of mine is known for going round to peoples houses and stealing pictures of them. It's a poor trait.
I got kicked out of aerobics class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
I went into the changing room several times, but it was still the same.
I came up with a way of getting coal out of the ground. Hope no one else thinks of the same idea - it's mine.
I complained to the city council that the street I live on has no name. They said they'll address it at the next board meeting.
My three unwritten rules :