Thoughts 2

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. You should live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

If you lend someone twenty dollars and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Impossibilities exist within the line of sight. (thanks to Segun Tedunjaiye)

No one is listening until you fart.

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