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Thoughts to Get Through a Crisis #1

Contemplate these!

I thought I saw Gary Busey walking home, but it was just a man living with consequences. (thanks to Joel Bernhard)

Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. (thanks to Gregory Seel)

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.

Life is what happens when you're making other plans. (thanks to Alex Garofalo)

The fact that you believe in something does not make it true. (thanks to Segun Tedunjaiye)

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion - not proof - to destroy it.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. (thanks to Victor)

You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

Ex-wives and Ex-husbands are like fungus, and keep coming back.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity.

The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away, and the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.

If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.