Cute Jokes 5

One time when my son was 3 years old, I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a candy bar in his pocket. I didn't buy it, and he certainly didn't buy it, so we marched back to the mall - and we went to the jewelry store.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

In high school, my school team was the "Fighting Indians". The mascot would dance around before each game. All of our games were rained out.

Don't go knocking on heaven's door. Ring the doorbell and run, he hates that! (thanks to Brett Jones)

How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard. (thanks to Jake M.)

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

I love kids! Let's exchange recipes. (thanks to Brandi)

In high school, I was in the French club. All we would do is occasionally surrender to the German club.

When I was younger, I used to play doctor with this girl in my neighborhood. We got caught, but I'm lucky it was on a Wednesday. We were just playing golf.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Are board games supposed to make you bored? (thanks to Matt)

If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

The things that come to those who wait are the things left by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

The way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open. (thanks to Evets)

Why shouldn't you play poker in the savannah? There might be a cheetah. (thanks to Gary)

I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

Duct tape is like "the force". It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. (thanks to Travis)

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.



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