Cute Jokes #5
A plethora of cute and short jokes for you.
I sat in line at the drive through window. The plump employee opens the window and says, "Sorry about the weight!" (thanks to Gregory Sawler)
My wife and I were told we couldn't have children - by our landlord.
To work at Starbucks, should you have graduated Magna Cum Latte? (thanks to Charley)
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look too astonished. (thanks to Katie Birch)
Man: "Doctor, I think I'm a dog." Psychiatrist: "Mmmm. Interesting. Please lie down on the couch." Man: "I'm not allowed on the couch!"
I videotape my children a lot - because I think they're stealing from us.
Never moon a werewolf. (thanks to LarryNewParts)
You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes!
Why can't a pony sing? Because it's a little horse. (thanks to Joey)
What do you get when you bake beans and onions together? Tear gas. (thanks to Trent)
A blind man was calling an end to his relationship with his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore." (thanks to Gerry)
Can cross-eyed teachers control their pupils? (thanks to Sullikr)
What goes around a button? A billy goat. (thanks to Dermy)
Is Visine.com a site for sore eyes? (thanks to Jesterr)
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate! (thanks to Sam Hight)
One time when my son was 3 years old, I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a candy bar in his pocket. I didn't buy it, and he certainly didn't buy it, so we marched back to the mall - and we went to the jewelry store.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
In high school, my school team was the "Fighting Indians". The mascot would dance around before each game. All of our games were rained out.
Don't go knocking on heaven's door. Ring the doorbell and run, he hates that! (thanks to Brett Jones)
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard. (thanks to Jake M.)
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I love kids! Let's exchange recipes. (thanks to Brandi)
In high school, I was in the French club. All we would do is occasionally surrender to the German club.
A cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
When I was younger, I used to play doctor with this girl in my neighborhood. We got caught, but I'm lucky it was on a Wednesday. We were just playing golf.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Are board games supposed to make you bored? (thanks to Matt)
If you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
The things that come to those who wait are the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
The way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open. (thanks to Evets)
Why shouldn't you play poker in the savannah? There might be a cheetah. (thanks to Gary)
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
Duct tape is like "the force". It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. (thanks to Travis)
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
To err is human, to moo bovine. (thanks to Evets)
You can say anything foolish to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God! You're right! I would have never thought of that!" (thanks to Evets)
Good guys are like public bathrooms, either full of crap or taken.
I don't like to fly Virgin Airlines, because they don't go all the way.