Cute Jokes #10
A plethora of cute and short jokes for you.
A couple is lying in bed. Man: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." Woman: "I'll miss you."
One of my friends watches a boxing match and says "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I’d fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old accountant get hit in the face once and cry.
At a nudist colony for intellectuals in England: Two old men are sitting on the front porch. One turns to the other and says, "I say, old boy, have you read Marx?" The other says, "Yes, it's these wicker chairs."
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
"Dad, can you do my homework for me?" "No, I'm sorry, it just wouldn't be right." "Well, maybe not, but give it a try anyway!"
Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night. One was assaulted.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you may get repossessed.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Why shouldn't you make an atheist mad? Because he might burn a question mark on your front lawn.
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
All computers wait at the same speed.
How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings pinball game? None. It only takes Tolkiens.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.
Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Tell me what you need, I'll tell you how to get along without it.
It is better to have loved and lost than to listen to "Lost In Love" by Air Supply.
Someday, we'll all look back on this and plow into a parked car.
Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones.
A very religious man fell into the quicksand. Firefighters come by and offer to help, but he says, "No, God will help me." Next come the police, they offer to help. Again the man says, "No, God will help me." He then sinks in the quicksand to his death. In heaven, he asks God why he didn't save him. God says, "What about the firemen and police I sent?" (thanks to Patrick)
A drummer walks into a music store and says, "I'll buy that accordion over there." The cashier says, "You must be a drummer. That's the radiator." (thanks to Atom)
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Why does a Pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat!