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Daffynitions #1

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Abdicate: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach.

Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Administrivia: All of the annoying little tasks associated with your job. (thanks to Deb Buckman)

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Aflockalypse: When all those birds fell out of the sky. (thanks to Linda McGrath)

Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes. (thanks to Ray Collins)

Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes. (thanks to Victor)

Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

Aromatic: An automatic crossbow.

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Balderdash: A rapidly receding hairline.

Baloney: Some hemlines fall here.

Barbecue: A line of people waiting for a haircut. (thanks to Daniel C)

Beauty Parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Bouyant: A male insect. (thanks to Daniel C)

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Bungee Jumping: Suicide, with strings attached. (thanks to Mike McGuire)

Burglarize: What a crook sees with.

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes tighter every night.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Carpetuation: The act of (when vacuuming) running over a piece of string at least a dozen times, bending over, picking it up, examining it and then dropping it again to let the vacuum have another chance. (thanks to Victor)

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Chickens: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Circumvent: The opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Cobra: A brasseire for conjoined twins.

Coffee: The person on whom one coughs.

Control: A short, bearded prison inmate.

Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Craughed: To laugh and cry simultaneously.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Dachshund: A dog that is half a dog high and a dog and a half long.

Debate: What lures de fishes. (thanks to Juleen Dickins)

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Depart: De white line down de middle of de hair. (thanks to Catherine Debo)

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your way. (thanks to Bob Z)

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.